No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
