Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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