Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
