I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
