i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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