i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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