Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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