New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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