highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
