Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
