he was CRYING into my vagina
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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