Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
