If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
