Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
