Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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