when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
