"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She even gives head with a lisp.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
