I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
