JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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