Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
