Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
