oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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