This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
