I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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