I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
