Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
