Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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