i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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