how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
