Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
