my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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