I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
