Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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