Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
