After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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