I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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