My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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