Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
