I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
