It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
