this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
