I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
