Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
