I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
