So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
