worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
