Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
