i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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