And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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