If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
