i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
