if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
